Beware Midsomer Blue

I settled down last night to watch a new episode of Midsomer Murders, a series about a detective and his trusty assistant, based in a bucolic countryside where the murder rate is twice that of London’s, according to one recent study. Imagine my shock and horror as Martine McCutcheon (formerly known as Tiff from East Enders) was brutally bludgeoned to death with what looked to me to be a Stilton. As the episode went on, people were despatched in a number of gruesome ways – cheese wire, cheese needle (through the heart) and finally, a stampeding herd of cows. We think they were Friesians.

It gives me greater respect for cheese makers in that I will endeavour to not anger them. I never saw implements of the trade in such a sinister light before. I was mildly disappointed to see that they didn’t use a cheese iron to core someone to death, but by the end of the episode it was clear that the cheese maker and dairy farmer were in the clear, as they had been trampled by the cows.

I did also wonder whose site they used as a set. And I think savvy marketers of the many fine blue cheeses on our shores should look at a renaming of one of their products to capture the inevitable demand for “Midsomer Blue” that is going to arise, despite the bloodshed in the ageing caves. Stilton makers, take note…